It has been pointed out to me that the last few blogs have been pretty weak. I am not a blogger. I write a bunch of stuff in notebooks and on note cards and napkins... then I try to find the comedy within it. Most of the stuff I write never makes it to the stage, well that is not true- I end up trying a lot of it- most of it doesn't make the act is more honest. In other words I find out it isn't funny or developed fairly quickly. What I do here is pour ideas out and hope something sticks or one of you gives me a tag or a direction that creates more writing.So it isn't me that has sucked it lately- but you.Just in case you care- the girl with extra limbs bit ended up becoming a very funny little routine. Got some more writing and a few tags from friends and now it is in the show and growing. I was in Cincinnati at Go Bananas comedy club last weekend. That club is one of my favorite places to perform...period. I didn't do much but hang with comedians and staff. I did go to the mall and saw No Country for Old Men. The movie was great. It ended with no punch line, which I appreciated even more having just read Steve Martin's book. I was overwhelmed with how packed the mall is with shoppers. More then once I thought, "Wow- how did he only get eight people."A kid went nuts and shot eight people at the a mall in Omaha. I know they say that tragedy plus time equals funny. But why wait? With today's news cycle it isn't even really a story any more. Every two weeks it seems someone goes crazy, shoots a bunch of people then shoots himself... and when they do the last part a part of me actually gets a little excited because now my joke is new again. (Why don't they just start with shooting themselves?... we need a suicide talk them into it hotline, where they can call in first....)The guys name who shot everyone was Robert Hawkins. I know a guy with that name- when I first saw the story I had a few moments of wondering if it was him. There is a Funny Bone in Omaha- maybe he had a couple bad sets. Then he was walking around the mall where he spied Ant and Alonzo Boden. Hawkins is one of the best comics out there period and most of you have no idea who Hawkins is and that is why I thought it could have been him.You know- when I was a teenager the most selfish thing you could do was commit suicide. Thinking of noone else in your family and being at the peak of self-pity and selfishness- you killed yourself. Now this generation of kids are raising selfishness to the next level. Killing innocent people- then themselves... Selfishness has come as far as video games.... (for a list of games we had as kids vs games the kids today have- see the comedy of Basile or my friend Sneed)Hawkins left a suicide note that said he wanted to be famous. Well... ummm.... you are dead dumbass. You are semi famous for your fifteen minutes and just your luck- you are too dead to bask in it. You are not even famous in Hell. Walking through the door to hell bragging... "hey, check yourself chump. You are not famous in hell. Eight people? That is all you got? I got more then that in Luby's cafeteria and I had to reload. Eight people? there was three times that many in the line at Starbucks alone."I got more than that from a clock tower in Texas... When I was a kid we didn't have easily accessible automatic weapons.Hey, if you want to be famous and kill a bunch of people in the process- do it in a way that we can get behind you and root for you on. Take out a bunch of people at MTV's Sweet 16 Bash. Bring your M16 to the Sweet 16 and take out some of those spoiled-ass bitches and their fathers who buy them this stuff.The news wastes no time getting the killers name and friends and pictures plastered all over the media. I guess we as viewers sort of want that... but I also want to see the streaking girl running on the field at the football game- but pro sports coverage has a uniform rule of not showing any of the wackos that run on the field, because they don't want to encourage more fanatics. Why don't we try this with suicide shooters?I actually caught a little of the end of the MTV Sweet 16 show- some musician is on stage and announcing that here comes the present... cut to partiers... "this birthday party was off the hook..... The present is a zorse. What is a zorse? it is half zebra- half horse." Cut to spoiled little rich girl surrounded by friends. "I've always wanted a zorse!"Really?! you have always wanted a zorse? I have never even heard of a zorse, didn't even know they existed- not to mention even wanting one was an option in life. I can't believe your muddleheaded dad has so much money he can cross-breed species for your birthday. That thing should never have been created.and by thing I mean the girl who wants a zorse.I have always wanted a turgeon. A turgeon, what is that? It is a cross between a turtle and a pigeon. make it happen daddy it is my sweet 16.I, on the other hand, have always wanted to be hung like a zorse... Folks!!! not big like that, but all stripped. Which would make it look thicker.Rich people always bitch about how they have to pay too much in taxes... "I can't afford to give back to the culture that made me filthy rich... I need that money to buy my daughter a $200,000 birthday party and a Zorse." Those families on Sweet 16 are a combination of something.... CLue and Less.A zorse? That is what the gentiles call it, at a bar mitzvah it is called a Hebra. Imagine dating one of those girls as they grow up... what a fucking nightmare. When she grows up and becomes a high maintenance pain in the ass, unappeasable divorcee.... all you need to do is look back at her upbringing and her give her everything she wants daddy and you will know the zource of her issues.Back to the mall shooting... what the hell was mall security doing? Maybe the salvation army should put down the bells and start playing fracking army.merry Christmas.
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