My editor was just telling me that I am too lazy. OK, so I’m lazy... or am I? Well, I do sleep till noon, but I usually don’t write until seven or eight at night. That means I get up at least seven hours before work. My editor starts work at eight a.m. and I’ll bet you that he doesn’t roll out of the bed until six-thirty or seven. Therefore, I have prepared seven times longer for my work day than him. He thinks I am the lazy one?
On second thought, maybe he is right. I woke up this afternoon (way after noon) and was pretty proud of myself because I’d gotten up late enough to skip all the time and effort of making breakfast. On my way to the mailbox I stepped over the newspaper, got the mail and picked up the paper on the return trip. Thus, the total time of carrying the paper was minimized... more time and energy conserved for later.
OK, so obviously he is right. I am lazy. I bought a treadmill that I never use. The most exercise I’ve gotten out of the damn thing was carrying it in the house. Those things are heavy, I was sore for a week. I don’t know why I bought it, I hate exercise. The most strenuous thing I’ve done in months is scoop some really cold Ice cream out of the box... I think I’m getting stronger though, last time I bent the spoon!
I’m just glad I live in a society where I can be lazy. If I had to hunt my own food like an animal, I would lose weight faster than Oprah did. I watched a show where a cheetah was chasing a gazelle in 120 degree desert heat at 70mph. I thought, "damn, that’s commitment. I’m to lazy to get off the couch and drive to Taco Bell. I think I’ll order a pizza and watch the rest of this show."
I never did find out if my cheetah friend caught his dinner, I dozed off at some point during the chase. Just watching him wore me out. During my nap I had a dream about Sesame Street. It’s the third time I’ve had that dream this week. I’m dreaming in reruns! My subconscious is screaming at me, "Get up! I’m out of stuff to show you! Go experience something new. Give me something to work with!" Maybe my subconscious is related to my editor. Ooop, gotta go, pizza man is here.
On second thought, maybe he is right. I woke up this afternoon (way after noon) and was pretty proud of myself because I’d gotten up late enough to skip all the time and effort of making breakfast. On my way to the mailbox I stepped over the newspaper, got the mail and picked up the paper on the return trip. Thus, the total time of carrying the paper was minimized... more time and energy conserved for later.
OK, so obviously he is right. I am lazy. I bought a treadmill that I never use. The most exercise I’ve gotten out of the damn thing was carrying it in the house. Those things are heavy, I was sore for a week. I don’t know why I bought it, I hate exercise. The most strenuous thing I’ve done in months is scoop some really cold Ice cream out of the box... I think I’m getting stronger though, last time I bent the spoon!
I’m just glad I live in a society where I can be lazy. If I had to hunt my own food like an animal, I would lose weight faster than Oprah did. I watched a show where a cheetah was chasing a gazelle in 120 degree desert heat at 70mph. I thought, "damn, that’s commitment. I’m to lazy to get off the couch and drive to Taco Bell. I think I’ll order a pizza and watch the rest of this show."
I never did find out if my cheetah friend caught his dinner, I dozed off at some point during the chase. Just watching him wore me out. During my nap I had a dream about Sesame Street. It’s the third time I’ve had that dream this week. I’m dreaming in reruns! My subconscious is screaming at me, "Get up! I’m out of stuff to show you! Go experience something new. Give me something to work with!" Maybe my subconscious is related to my editor. Ooop, gotta go, pizza man is here.
BY TOM SIMMONS AND COSTAKI ECONOMOPOULOS
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